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In my workbook, I discuss “stance” in the chapter on presentation suggesting to check in on your body language often, such as your posture, your expression, and eye contact. Standing tall with open and engaging body language can give you and suggest confidence, but having self-confidence goes deeper than just what you present outwardly. It comes from and within you, and it’s a crucial factor in setting and achieving goals and living your life to its fullest. Your belief or unbelief in yourself will affect the results in your life.
Others Won’t Believe in You if You Don’t Believe in Yourself
Many big goals in life require working with other people. Some situations might require you to present to an audience, to sell an idea or item, to organize an event, or to be a leader. If you speak in a tone and take actions backed up with confidence and belief in yourself, others will be more likely to believe in you too, but if you show a lack of confidence and uncertainty, they likely won’t.
Unfortunately, a lack of self-confidence may also attract people who are prone to taking advantage of others and treating others badly. Those types of people prey upon people who won’t stand up for themselves. Let people know you have confidence in yourself by not allowing others to treat you badly and saying no when that is what you feel. Always stand up for yourself.
Self-Confidence Doesn’t Equal Egotism
Self-Confidence is not about boasting and bragging or thinking you are better than other people. It shows through without saying a word. It is simply treating yourself with respect and believing in yourself to learn, keep your word, take on and meet challenges, stretch yourself, achieve goals, solve problems, and be okay with failing. It will shine through in the way you carry yourself, speak, and in your actions.
If you don’t know something, don’t pretend to. Lack of knowledge about something doesn’t make you weak. It simply means you haven’t learned something. Admit to not knowing, ask for help from someone who is knowledgeable, and if it is relevant to your goals, begin gaining knowledge on the subject.
If you make a mistake or fail, that’s okay. Don’t try to hide it. Failure and mistakes are not something to be ashamed of. They are learning opportunities. Every single person, no matter how successful, fails and makes mistakes. Be honest if you make a mistake. Fix it as best you can. Learn from failures and use that knowledge in moving forward.
Building Confidence in Yourself
True self-confidence can only come from you. No one else can give it to you. The powerful thing about that is that no one can take it away from you without your permission either.
If you feel like you lack self-confidence, building confidence in yourself is something you can do with conscious effort. It starts by letting go of allowing other people’s opinions to rule you. Operate by your opinion of yourself. This doesn’t mean you don’t care about others or you would do things that would hurt others. It means you won’t let the fear of other’s criticisms stop you from going for goals and speaking your truth. Build your thoughts, words, and actions from your values and what’s true to you.
In the same way you can build muscle strength through weight training, there are practices and activities that can build self-confidence.
- Our thoughts create our reality because they influence our feelings, words and actions. Start by noticing your thoughts. Check for any negative self-talk. When a negative thought pops up, replace it with something positive.
- Also, throughout the day, create the habit of positive self-talk. Set aside time to repeat statements that develop self-confidence. As silly as it might sound, out loud with a confident tone tell yourself you are improving. Tell yourself you can accomplish your goals.
- When you set a goal and break it into actionable steps, actually do them. This will show yourself you have the ability and dedication to accomplish targets.
- Make it a habit to challenge yourself and try activities that take you out of your comfort zone. For example, learn something new, visit places you’ve never been, or talk to strangers.
- When going for a big goal, developing a sound knowledge in what you are working on helps build your confidence up. Make sure you take the time to learn and understand what you’re trying to achieve.
- Experience also helps you gain confidence in yourself. Start small and get help and feedback from people who already have a background and understanding of what you’re pursuing.
Here’s a link to a great talk by Shawn Stevenson titled 10 POWERFUL WAYS To Improve Your Confidence & Self-Worth. He gives a little background, followed by ten ideas for improving your confidence and self-worth. It’s over an hour and a half long. So, if you don’t have time to listen to the entire talk in one go, pause it and come back to it as you can. It’s worth listening to at least once in my opinion. If you listen, I’d love to hear your thoughts.